“This week, we had a poll in EquiTeam Connected to see what “kind” of rider we think we are. This should be a simple question, right? Apparently not! From the initial three options (grassroots rider, leisure rider or amateur) we grew to include hobby rider and competitive leisure rider. But our chat also included other options including “aspiring” rider, “professional faller off” along with lots of other options.
What interested me was two things – firstly how we see ourselves, and secondly how much that definition matters to us.
Who are we?
Our opinions of ourselves are formed by a whole range of things – and this is no different in our horsey lives. Depending on who we are riding with and whether they have more experience than us; which horse we are on; hormones; hunger, our view of ourselves can change dramatically. But our core self image usually stays the same – this is how we see ourselves regardless of what is going on.
This may be the bit that is harder to share when we are feeling insecure. But that makes it all the more important to think about and reflect on, because there will be times when that is the bit that matters most.
Who am I?
I think I am a fairly competent rider these days, I can be brave, I spend a lot of time reading about how to care for my horse and how to improve my riding. But am I an amateur? A leisure rider? Grassroots? That depends on who I am comparing myself to, my recent experiences and what I’m planning to try.
Framing who we are
One of the things I’ve focused on a lot in my personal life over the last few months is that words matter. Hurtful words from others can have a devastating effect on those we care about, and can grow like a weed inside. I know from thinking about my own riding that if a coach or friend says “you did amazing” I internalise that much more than if I say it to myself. I feel validated by the opinion of someone who I trust and respect – even when I know that I did a good job.
But our own words also have an impact. One of the frequent chats within our EquiTeam group is about not using negative self-talk.
If I keep telling people how awful I did jumping a jump, I’ll believe it so much more and the next time I go to jump it that’s what will stick in my head – even if before that I had an amazing time. So I spend a lot of time just now trying to think about how to reframe my own words. “I rode confidently today” is a positive – even if I ended up on my bum in the sand. “I learned so much from that and put the learning into practice” is even better. I set myself up for being ready for our next lesson that way.
Walking away saying how disappointed I was not to jump bigger, or for not being perfect destroys the learning and does not put me in a positive position for next time. My goal each time I now ride is to reinforce the positives about how I see myself as a rider and horse owner.
Who we are changes
I’ve recently bought a new horse, affectionately known as Big Frank! In a lot of ways he is probably my dream horse. He is kind, wants to learn, and capable of progressing along with me. Having said that, as he is becoming fitter, he is also becoming stronger and I am not used to a jolly, forward horse. I commented to a friend that I felt a bit unsure of myself, and from the ground she thought we looked good and that he appeared keen.
That actually helped to keep it in balance rather than me feeling out of my depth. I managed to rearrange my thoughts and see myself as someone confidently building my relationship with Frank and building on each experience. I’m learning.
However, it also means that for now I would probably not attempt some of the things I did with my last horse. I wouldn’t go to a cross country lesson, I wouldn’t feel as confident going to do dressage. But I am building the foundations of lots of things with him just now which I genuinely believe set us up for success when we do try. It doesn’t mean my ability has declined at all. It just means that I am being sensible, and building up who I am with this new boy.
So, this week, I am a “confident learner” who is supported by some awesome people. In a couple of month’s time I may be either a happy hacker, an amateur jumper, or a supportive groom to a friend.
Either way, it’ll change and change again, and if I go back to do the poll again then, who knows what I’ll pick.
Gillian x
Photo credit: HKF Photography
