We always like to bring the positives to the stable, but this week EquiTeam’s Louise Gillings asks the question, ‘What is wrong with people?’
Usually in our amazing EquiTeam Connected community I am warmed, motivated, inspired and happy to see the posts our members share, but in the last few weeks there have been two stories shared that made me sad and angry on behalf of the people sharing their experiences.
Our community is built on support and an absolute zero tolerance for any negativity towards others, and we actually never have to police this as our members are always super supportive of everyone whether they know them offline or not.
You are always guaranteed to find helpful advice whatever your question.
So… what got me so annoyed??? – Livery yards and mean people!
Both people sadly posted about how going to see their horse at livery had turned into an anxiety fuelled nightmare, with other liveries and in one case a yard owner behaving badly towards them.
Ignoring them one day, speaking to them the next, talking about them, whispering in corners, being judgemental in some cases plain rude.
Riding or spending time with your horses is supposed to be fun and your down time so the fact that there are people sucking the enjoyment out of this makes me so annoyed.
What gives them the right to ruin your day?
Our lovely community jumped on board with message of support and advice – two of which I really loved – a metaphorical poo umbrella to stop other people’s poo landing on you, and a bubble to protect yourself from what is going on around you. Both great advice – among the ‘find another livery yard suggestions’ but why should any of us have to do this?
I will of course add some balance, in that there are always several sides to a story, but if there is something wrong, please just speak to each other, communication is a great way to resolve problems before they get so big that no one feels like they can.
Problems escalating to the point that someone dreads going to see their horse and/or is considering finding somewhere else to livery because of the way one person or a group of people are behaving towards them is simply wrong and could be seen as bullying.
The Anti-bullying Alliance defines bullying as,
“The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.
Riders Minds general guidance is:
If someone behaves and treats everyone the same, that’s not considered bullying.
If someone singles out, behaves towards and treats another differently, that can be considered as bullying.
My plea to everyone is to take a moment to thing how you are behaving – are your thoughts and feelings your own, or are you behaving like a pack animal and joining in with a crowd instead of speaking up?
This is from the Riders Minds page on bullying –
Upstanders are those who stand up for others. Often easier said than done to speak up when we see, or hear, others being bullied. Upstanders can give feedback too and have a courageous conversation. Sometimes the bully doesn’t recognise their behaviour or the impact it’s having. Feedback from upstanders can make a difference.
If you see bullying, call it out, report it via proper channels, and/or stand with the person being bullied. Share your observations in support. The more bullying is called out the better.
Better to stand together, rather than stand alone.
If someone’s behaviour has changed, it might be that they are going through something and don’t realise how their behaviour is making you feel. Back to the communication – ask them if they are ok, or if there is a problem that you can work together to resolve.
You aren’t going to be best friends with everyone – some people are just not your people, but that is ok, you can all still be polite to each other.
We should be able to enjoy our horses, so please – be brave and talk to each other. Work through problems and speak up if someone is not behaving kindly to others.
Thank goodness that our two EquiTeam members have the support of our online community behind them, but they are still going to have to put up their poo umbrella every time they set foot on the yard until something changes.
We never know what is going on behind closed doors, and how much comments might actually hurt people. I’ll leave you with the saying, ‘In a world where you can be anything, choose to be kind’.
Lou x
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