In our EquiTeam Connected group and through our EquiTeam content we have had a lot of conversations about work/life balance, riding your own race, self-pressure and comparing yourself to others.
But, in all honesty, I think that it is a pretty exceptional person that never looks at others and compares themselves, or feels that they should be doing better.
Striving to improve in any aspect of your life is a healthy part of development, but it is important to want to do this for the right reasons and not because someone else is doing it or even worse – someone else has told you that you should be doing it.
There is the danger word again – SHOULD!
When listening to a podcast this morning there was a lot of chat about being female and feeling the pressure of having to work full time, nail being a parent (if you have children), keep up with the housework, be a good partner/friend/family member. The expectations on the modern generation are high.
It’s not just exclusive to women, I know many men also feel the similar pressure to excel at all parts of their lives. In reality there are very few people who excel at everything, and I think that if they do, then they mustn’t actually require any sleep!
The pressure to be this perfect (and in actual fact overworked) person is still there.
And then there is the reality that when one part of your life is going well, another part often gets neglected without you realising and suddenly there again is that overwhelming feeling of failure.
Even though it might only be a small thing that goes wrong, realising you are not superhuman and are in fact fallible can make you feel as though you are failing at everything.
In years gone by, people compared themselves to the material things other people had. From where they went on holiday; to what car they drove; and which part of town they lived in etc – the judgment was still there.
But now with social media being a huge part of most people’s lives, the Instagram homes, the success stories and beautiful pictures online, it is all too easy to judge and envy others on a snapshot – and quite often the snapshot isn’t reality.
And here is another question… how many of us actually live in and enjoy the moment… without thinking ‘That would be a good social media picture’. And whilst you are pausing for thought – for what reasons are we actually posting?
I like many others can fall into the traps above and so I wanted to share some of the tools that I find useful when I’m feeling particularly pressured to be perfect by social media.
A snapshot
Remember – what you see online is a snapshot of someone’s day. They might have positioned their child in the tidy part of their house to avoid everyone seeing the mess in the background, or the perfect jumping picture might not show the rest of the round.
Likewise – this person might have been working really hard for months or years to achieve something that they share on social media, so be happy for them and celebrate their wins.
Hit the snooze button
If you find someone or a page or group makes you feel bad – unfollow them, or snooze/mute the page for a month, they don’t get a notification that you have done this so will be none the wiser. You can still remain ‘friends’ on social media (and in the real world) but you won’t see the posts that have a detrimental effect on you.
Connect and be inspired
Use social media for connection and inspiration, but don’t live your life by it. Set yourself time limits, and consider committing to times and activities when you will be social media free (when with friends or family for instance), this will also help you to have a better connection with those around you. Studies have shown limiting social media use to approximately 30 minutes per day may lead to significant improvement in well-being.
Check your settings
Understand your privacy settings and choose carefully what you put on social media and who you share it with. Check your settings regularly, app updates can mean your ‘sharing with friends only’ setting can change to ‘share with the world’ without you realising.
Pick your friends
Don’t feel obliged to accept every friend/follow request. If you choose to keep your social media circle small, that is entirely your choice. If people don’t understand this – then do you really want them part of your circle anyway?
Safe spaces
Find a safe space such as EquiTeam Connected where you can be honest, share your wins and bad days, and know that you are safe from judgement.
Take a break
If you feel overwhelmed take time away from social media all together – I promise you it will still be there when you get back and in fact you might find it quite liberating!
The wonderful Insta v reality posts in the EquiTeam Connected group have highlighted just how easy it is to fall into a trap.
So my take home message is to be more mindful – think about what we share and what we see. Be more present in your own life, be happy for other people, and ultimately be kind to others and to yourself.
Remember – if you are struggling and feel as though you need professional help, Riders Minds phone, text and chat line is 100% confidential, available 24/7 and is there to talk about anything that is affecting your mental health, it doesn’t have to be related to your horses.
Lou x
