Steve Smethurst shares his experiences of the all important un-horsey support crew.
“In recent years life has taken an unexpected turn and I wonder whether many of you reading this will have partners who have found themselves in the same situation. I have found myself – accidentally – becoming a horse husband!
I go away and play golf at home and abroad, or Saturday football with my son, so have never had an issue with my wife having her own hobbies and time away. However, she seems to have fallen in love with a beast who is taller than me and absolutely has more hair!
He gets pamper sessions and his wardrobe definitely costs more than mine. I have a sneaking suspicion that he gets additional purchases to keep him in the life that he is rapidly becoming accustomed to.
Part of the reason that I think this may be true is the deliveries that appear and quickly vanish to the pick-up…that my wife needed for the trailer…that she needed for the horse. The car even has a name “Betty”, although “Stinky” would be more appropriate. It has a constant layer of hay inside and mud on the outside. I pressure washed the pick up AND the trailer recently, however seven days later it was like it never happened.
Weirdly she seems proud of the dirt and says it’s a sign that they are having fun together! My car is immaculate – so we no longer share cars and Betty stays the muckiest car in our street.
Being a horse husband
I have a very important role. It has taken a lot of practice – and no it’s not forking out money!
No, my role is to support and encourage her – and comes in many forms. For example, she has fallen off a “few” times. Sometimes I want to say that’s enough, and maybe she should find a safer hobby.
Instead, I listen, supply wine and chocolate, and let her vent her frustration then remind her that she chose this pastime and that she either tries or quits. It isn’t easy – it’s not nice seeing someone you love bruised, upset or hobbling. I’ll be honest, there have been times when I’ve laughed because that can be the best medicine. Recently I came back from holiday to find she had arena burn on her face and a hoofprint on her bum! But laughing helps to put it in perspective and the bruises fade.
Other times, I hear her talking about wanting to try something new – a bigger jump, or another camp for example. She looks for excuses not to go if she is scared. So, I listen, and I remind her the truck is packed and ready to go because I know how disappointed she’ll be if she doesn’t try.
Then when she comes home to tell me the stories, I share her celebrations even when I have not got a clue what a dogleg or an oxer is. Google is a great resource! She always wants to do better, and I love seeing her proud of herself.
My experience
I thought a round of golf could take a long time but I’ve realised having a horse is even more time consuming! A trip to the yard to “brush” him never takes less than an hour (and that’s being generous!). If she goes out for a quick ride that seems to be about three hours. Our weekends can be dictated by shows, lessons and a myriad of other things that mean I am home alone thinking of all the things that we could be doing if the hairy beast wasn’t so needy! But she has a group of really good friends – who I like too. It’s nice to see that she is supported by similarly crazy people who have the same hobby.
She has introduced me to Games Fairs, Blair Horse Trials, local shows – and who knew the food was so good at these things? Cakes, tablet, fudge, burgers, loaded fries, the list is endless! They also have beer tents!
My wife normally goes to see the horse afterwards which means I am never expected to drive home. I get to sit in the sun, eating good food and having a beer (or two). I’ve surprised myself by finding I quite enjoy learning the rules of showjumping and cross country and it’s great to watch on a sunny day.
My wife has a job that can be stressful. When she comes home after riding, she has put work to one side and it’s time to relax. So, our evenings are chilled, and I get to pursue my own hobbies while she is at the yard. I’ve grown to realise that this is important, as we both enjoy doing our own thing.
We may not share the same interests, but we make the time to listen to each other’s stories. Our conversations are varied and interesting, and we make time for each other. I don’t think that would happen as much if we sat watching TV together every night.
So I am a proud, horse husband, who never saw it coming. Our washing pile is never empty, the washing machine has hair round the rim, there is a constant muddy track up our drive and I have a sneaking suspicion that the vanishing apples from our fruit bowl are not because of the kids. I am not the only love of my wife’s life, and the hairy beast competes for my time and attention. But I wouldn’t change it for the world.”
Steve
Thank you Steve, what a refreshing perspective #bemoresteve
