Hi, my name is Bernadette Crosby. I am a horse owner, content creator, writer and author, and have my own social media channel, ‘The Fearful Rider’.
I talk lot about my journey with horses and the link with my mental health.
When brainstorming a topic to write about, the importance of not riding came up and it’s a topic I think needs more equestrian, professionals and horse owners to speak about.
In our day and age, we are hyper focused on achieving our goals at all costs, and sometimes the cost is our relationship with our horse. Even though I do think we can create a relationship and bond with our horses whilst riding, I don’t think it’s as effective as being on the ground with our horses.
It was my fears around riding that have shown me how many equestrians don’t prioritise groundwork, connection, and harmony with their horse – instead prioritising riding, competing, and achieving.
We need to strive for balance, which I know can be extremely difficult.
Whenever I interact with horses, I like to put myself in their shoes, well hooves. Would I be willing and enthusiastic to be around someone who demands I do something for them every time I see them?
I would probably try to avoid them like the plague!
When every interaction with our horse ends up being a transaction, we put our relationship with them at risk. To me the most important thing is for my horse to enjoy spending time with me and not dread seeing me when I arrive at the stables.
Quality time
Horses are not here to serve us, to help us achieve goals and they are not a commodity. We are equals and I believe if we treated them that way, we will be surprised on how willing they are to “work” with us. I challenge you to take ten minutes out of your busy life to just sit with your horse, don’t ask anything off him, don’t even touch him, just sit either in his stable or field and enjoy the moment.
Do this without thinking of what you are going to have for tea or about all the housework you need to do but be in the present with your horse and soak up their healing powers!
When I first started doing this with my horses, they would look at me as if they were saying “What are you doing?” then eventually I could see them relax and they started to enjoy my company.
This topic falls in line with another principle that I now live by, “Horses are allowed to say no”. We are often taught that horses are not allowed to say no and if they do say no, we need to “get after them” otherwise they would “win”. These sayings always use to confuse me because I often thought what exactly do horses win if we allow them to express themselves?
The saying “don’t let the horse win” comes from a negative place, it’s as if we think the horse gains something from not doing as it’s told. Allowing horses to say no does not create behaviourally issues in my opinion, but in fact creates a strong connection, trust, respect, and bond.
There’s many reasons horses say no, and none of them are because they want to make your life harder or because they are being “naughty”, horses don’t have the mental ability to think about a plan to ruin your day. Horses often say no because they are confused on what you are asking, so going back to basics is a good start.
Another reason horses can say no is because they are not physically able to do what you are asking, so looking at your expectations is a good option.
Horses owe us nothing, we owe them everything. Your horse will be appreciative if you put stillness and allowing them to express themselves in your toolbox. Ultimately, resulting in a much easier and more willing horse to work with.
Enjoy the stillness.
Bernadette.
To find out more about Bernadette click here.
