Last week in the Equiteam Connected member’s group I read a post which to be frank, really annoyed me.
To put some background into the post, the lady who posed the question has worked incredibly hard on herself, her mindset, her riding and all the bits in between and has gone from being terrified, to jumping 25cm in trot, to jumping 65/70cm confidently, in canter with a smile on her face in a matter of months.
Her progress has been remarkable both on and off the horse, and is a real pleasure to watch. It is something that she is quite rightly incredibly proud of.
The post which sparked this blog came about after some helpful friends told her that she ‘should’ be pushing her jumping and be aiming for 80cm.
In a matter of minutes she went from feeling that she was proud, achieving and enjoying her hobby, to that ball in your stomach of under-achieving feeling that you just can’t shake.
Being deflated is not a nice feeling and one which is weighs heavily both emotionally and physically.
The Value of our EquiTeam Community
Our EquiTeam members were quick to add some balance and perspective as they highlighted what we can learn from a comment like as this.
1. Jumping higher than you are ready for is one of the most confidence damaging things you can do. Consolidation, in the form of positive repetition, is the most important part of progress – for both you and your horse. Your journey will never be linear, so it’s important to have a comfort zone to lean back on when you need it. Over time your comfort zone grows as your add things to it as you put new goals and learning in your stretch zone.
If 60/70cm has recently become your new stretch zone then stay there until it is closer to your comfort zone – for how ever long you need that to be.
As BHS I Coach James Oakden wisely said,
You are better off jumping 10cm too small for three weeks longer, that jumping 10cm too big for three minutes!
2. ‘Should’ can be a really pressure-fuelled word. Replace it with ‘I’d like to’ and it has a whole different meaning. And when we drill down deeper, why ‘should’ we be jumping bigger, or doing things that we don’t want to yet?
As someone who can really use this word as form of negative self-pressure – I understand how damaging this can be.
Take a step back and remove the grey area. If ‘should’ is replaced with ‘I would like’ then great – that’s a goal to work towards, but if you have no desire to jump bigger, canter in an open space, move up a level, then don’t! It’s that simple (on paper!). But as a coach I guarantee there will still be room for lots of learning whilst you are consolidating so it is most certainly not a wasted opportunity!
External pressure is something that most of us have to cope with in all walks of our lives and sometimes it is not even meant – which leads me on to my next two points.
3. For most people riding is supposed to be a hobby which by definition means, an activity done regularly in one’s leisure time for pleasure.
It’s really challenging to enjoy something when it is steeped in pressure – internal or external, which leads us to learning how to focus on the things we can control – one of these being the people we surround ourselves with.
4. Think before you speak. Being kind is something we see a lot on social media, but think before you speak should be added in there. Think how it might sound to the person on the receiving end of it. Going from ‘You should be aiming for 80cm’ sounds very different to ‘It’s amazing to see you jumping those 70cm fences so confidently’.
They lead to very different feelings.
Naturally, the brilliant EquiTeam Connected community kicked in with some really helpful feedback, comments and support, but remember your journey is your own, there are no comparisons, there are no rules and there is no time limit.
As my Mum always used to say, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all’ – personally I think ‘Pipe down Princesses’ has a more catchy ring!
Liz x
