Having just finished coaching at three brilliant riding camps I am happy, humbled and pretty tired!
A Shingles flare up didn’t of course help, but when I’m tired I notice the things that I find more of a drain on my own energy levels.
When I’m teaching I like to give whoever is in front of me everything I have – everything in my skill set, my toolbox and everything in my energy store. I want them to learn, have fun and be inspired. I’m not a miracle worker – far from it – but I want to see people progress in a safe, supportive and enjoyable environment.
This was one of the many reasons that Lou and I founded Equiteam Confidence Camps and led to the creation of our online learning platform – EquiTeam.
The very name, confidence camp, lends itself to teaching people who have already admitted they need a little support with their confidence – which is brilliant as it allows them to express their feelings without vulnerability.
What is even more beneficial is to be surrounded by people who really do understand what it’s like to feeling anxious so they can talk to, relate to and support each other as they safely push out of their comfort zones.
It’s positivity and encouragement that helps you push boundaries, but of course the opposite of that is negative chat.
Negative talk
Negative talk and negative self talk is normal, how often have we all focussed on the one thing that went wrong, and not the 99 that were amazing. It can also be our brains way of keeping us ‘safe’ – for example if you touched an iron and it burnt you, then you’d know not to do it again (I am the actual muppet who did this many years ago – lesson learned!). It’s OK to recall something that made you scared – but it’s how you talk about it that is important.
As humans we sometimes tend to embellish a story to create a reaction – we turn the one negative ‘thing’ into an event. By the time we have told this story five more times it’s grown arms and legs and you probably nearly died and now you deserve a medal for riding such a crazy beast…
Sound familiar…
As you create a reaction from others you also create a situation where you are starting to justify your own thoughts and feelings of being nervous – but catastrophising a negative isn’t a positive thing.
Focus on the positives
The fact of the matter is it’s easier to hear, ‘Oh well done for getting on’, or ‘you’re so brave’, or ‘I could never do that’ because it makes you feel better about yourself.
But negative-self talk has been found to “feed” anxiety and depression, cause an increase in stress levels while lowering levels of self-esteem. This can lead to decreased motivation as well as greater feelings of helplessness.
Instead of up-selling what has happened be practical.. i.e, my horse had one small buck going into canter for the first time, I sat it, carried on with my lesson and had a really great session. I realised my core was so much stronger than before, which is a mark of progress.
This negative approach also effects those around you who listen to and sometimes unknowingly absorb every word. It starts to ebb away at their own self belief, confidence and even the most positive of people can start to echo these negative thoughts as they too begin to focus on the one negative thing as they fail to see the bigger picture.
And as a coach I can, with complete honestly say that being constantly positive when you get nothing but negatives back is emotionally exhausting.
My take home message:
Think, absorb, reflect, celebrate. Not everything needs to be met with a negative because it’s far more enjoyable for everyone when you are able to recognise your wins and smile at your achievements.
Liz x
