If you have a sore tooth you go to the dentist. If your back is sore, you go and see a physio. If you want to progress with your horse, you have regular coaching sessions. If your horse is lame or unwell, you phone your vet, yet why is it when it comes to our mental health that we feel a sense of stigma attached and we don’t want to ask for help?
‘I’m just tired’, ‘I’m fine’, ‘I just need some time’, ‘I’ll phone next week if I’m not feeling better’– the excuses are lined up faster than people waiting for the bargain shops to open at Your Horse Live.
What’s worse, is that if we see one of our friends is struggling we would be the first to suggest they go and speak to someone to get help – and we feel no stigma or shame about the situation, we just want that person to feel better.
As is often the case, it’s actually quite black and white from the outside – why wouldn’t they go and get help if they need it?
Physical and mental health
Your brain is an amazing but complex system and asking for help with anything connected to your brain should be no different to asking for help because you’ve broken your leg.
It’s just another part of you that needs additional care – and something that if we give it the time and professional treatment needed, can usually be fixed, or managed.
The one big difference between your mental and physical health, (although intertwined), is that it’s harder to hide a broken leg than it is a broken piece of your mental health and that is where, I think many issues lie.
A broken leg is a nuisance, people can see you hobbling, so they automatically know your leg is sore. It puts a few spanners in the works of life, but it forces you to rest and recuperate.
When it comes to your brain many people think that it is easier to try and hide it, than admit that they are not OK. But with 1 in 4 adults in the UK suffering from poor mental health each year – you really are not alone.
I can also tell you first hand, as someone who has supported on many occasions (and also failed to support) people on their journey to improve their mental health – your close friends and family do know that you are not OK. They know that you are hiding something and that has wider reaching effects than you may realise.
The white elephant in the room that people talk about – it’s real.
People know that you’re ‘just not right’, and believe me, those people care. They want to help – they just don’t always know how.
And here is the hardest thing that I’ve learnt on my support journey – your friends and family can’t fix it – or even lead the changes needed to get some support in place. They can be with you every step of the way – but YOU have to be brave and be the one that asks for help.
I firmly believe that everyone has a choice, and it’s down to you to make yourself important enough to want to invest some time into. From a family and friend perspective I can’t even put into words how hard it is when you hear the excuses and know that your loved one needs help, but there is nothing you can do until they take a step forwards and want to help themselves.
If you’re not feeling your best – how can you give your best? The simple answer is – you can’t.
Poor mental health is energy and enjoyment sapping. It takes away your zest, your passions, and dampens your wins. It makes your challenges seem ten times harder. The more you give – the less you have to give.
Think of it another way – you wouldn’t go for a run with a broken leg, so why would you carry on putting yourself in situations which are damaging?
Unlike a broken leg, which will heal over time, your brain can’t always get better without intervention. And that is a source is frustration for your loved ones…
Gone are the days of marching you into a doctor’s room for a lifetime supply of antidepressants. Your friends and supporters know that help is readily available in many different forms and they are just waiting for your lead.
We are so lucky to have many mental health support resources freely available. And that’s where it boils down to choice.
Yes it takes time, and no, it’s not a quick fix – but if this blog resonates and you are regularly feeling out of sorts, then be brave, take the first step and tell someone how you are feeling. Then get professional help – it might just be the start of the journey back to finding yourself again.
Liz x
Although not a substitute for your GP, there are many mental health resources available. Riders Minds offers free confidential support available 24/7 for all equestrians.
Live webchat: https://ridersminds.org/
Live text support: 07860 065 202
Call the helpline: 0300 102 1540
Or have a look at Mind: https://www.mind.org.uk/