When EquiTeam member Gillian Birrell posted in the EquiTeam Connected Facebook group we knew that she had just made an incredibly valuable point that so many people needed to hear.
Having recently been able to share lots of incredible achievements she also knew that there was a balance, and that not everyone felt like they were achieving.
For anyone who needs to read this today, here is Gillian’s post.
I’m a nurse, and constantly reflect on what is happening around me, so I wanted to share some of my story with some of the newer members of the group.
My recent posts in the group about what I do with Ziggy look like it’s all positive and fun – and I remember seeing other people’s similar posts when I first joined EquiTeam and feeling a bit disillusioned as I couldn’t ever see myself being able to anything fun with him. It seemed quite out of reach. As I thought about this I was conscious that others might feel a bit the same.
I bought Ziggy in January last year after losing my last horse, and when I tried him he seemed “bombproof” although much more kick than go. I cantered him in a field, rode in the arena and decided he would be a good fit.
Over the next 12 months I fell off 11 times – each one after he napped/spun. I broke my ankle… and my thumb… and my nose… and cracked one of my spinal processes and had three fractures in my pelvis (my hubby still doesn’t know about that one – he does now!!). Each injury was part of a different fall – not at the same time!
It made me feel a bit of a failure, my confidence dropped and I became less confident in my riding ability. I had a horse I wanted to be able to ride, but even though I knew it wasn’t the case, it started to feel like he was deliberately trying to dump me on the ground.
I didn’t trust him, and felt so anxious about something which was meant to be fun and relaxing.
My lovely friend Ali gave me long term loan of her body protector (note to self I still need to buy myself one!), and the wonderful livery yard Regilmy that I am part of, supported me in many different ways. I’m not sure they will ever realise how reliant I became on their support in even coming to the yard, standing at the mounting block and sitting in the saddle.
I took copious amounts of Rescue Remedy, and in May last year I had two similar chats – one with my instructor and one on the EquiTeam Connected group about facing up to the fact that this may be the wrong pony at the wrong time. It was upsetting, but I love a challenge and if anything this started to make me feel a bit more determined, with a sense of purpose.
I decided to give it four weeks to see whether it was worth calling it a day and acknowledging he wasn’t for me. The clock started ticking, and I started riding. Another wonderful friend Larisa would stand in the middle of the school, so I had someone to focus on.
When I wanted to get off, or felt a bit useless, she would click, tell me “that’s nice” and ignore me! In hindsight, tough love was exactly what I needed and it worked – and I progressed from a walk to a trot; from the right rein to the left; and from frowning to smiling and starting to plan out what I wanted to do next.
I started using the resources in EquiTeam – riding with purpose, using the downloads and making sure that when we rode we were focused on a task or a lesson rather than wandering aimlessly around the arena waiting for something to go wrong.
I increased the number of lessons I was getting with Carol Stanley, and another friend Steven helped to manage some of Ziggy’s poor behaviours as he was bargy and rude, and I decided that if it didn’t work at least I tried! He showed me how to manage the spins, what the “tells” were that he could see, and how to use my seat to stand a better chance of staying on.
One day I realised that I was no longer guzzling rescue Remedy, that I was breathing when I rode rather than holding my breath, and that it was starting to become a bit more fun. I cantered the whole way round the school without even thinking about falling off and felt like I had made a huge leap forward.
In the late summer, a friend who was doing BD suggested that I try going to an unaffiliated dressage show to see how we got on, and although it was certainly not easy I had fun! I had to get a lead into the arena as Ziggy refused to walk forward, I had my test called out and I think I forgot to breathe for an awful lot of it.
I was surprised how nervous I felt, but felt supported both by the friends who took me there, and by the lovely people at the venue. The promise of chips and a cup of tea after helped! I didn’t fall, we made it through the test and I felt like I had achieved something massive.
I didn’t fall, we made it through the test and I felt like I had achieved something massive.
Through EquiTeam I won a session with the wonderful Jane Brindley from Horse Riding with Confidence Scotland, which helped change my mindset – and I use a lot of what I’ve learned with her at that session and at the pre-season mindset talk I attended in February every time I ride. (If you’ve not listened to her podcast with EquiTeam then I recommend it!!).
I now like my pony a lot – I couldn’t have said that last year at all. Carol told me that it takes 18 months to get to know your horse and to build a relationship, and we are now 15 months into this process. I feel a bit guilty at how close I came to selling him. However, I now realise that like any relationship it took time to get to know my horse, and I am so eternally grateful that I kept him.
He is funny, quirky, lazy, a bit of a chancer, and sometimes terrified of things! But we are starting to become a partnership and I love being on his back. I read him better and have started to know when it’s not worth having a battle, and when to push him a bit.
There are lots we still can’t do – hacking is our nemesis and I need to tackle it again soon. I am by no means an excellent rider – but I’m the owner he has and I adore him… and we will keep chipping away at building my confidence, improving his manners and our experience, and by next year I’m sure will have some new targets to work towards.
So please, please ask questions, share your wins, share your worries - because being part of EquiTeam means not being judged or picked apart - someone will always listen and try to help.
It’s amazing when you share in EquiTeam how many other people there are in the group, who are going through something similar, and who can learn and feel encouraged by what you share.
The more you post and comment, the more you get out of your membership. You start to feel you know the other members and their ponies, and when you meet them if you are out and about it’s awesome. I am really lucky to be at Regilmy and to have such fantastic support. But for those who don’t have that opportunity, EquiTeam Connected is like a virtual livery yard – and everyone is here to help.
A huge thank you to Gillian for sharing her story and allowing us to share it with you.
If you’d like to join EquiTeam you can find out more here.
Photo credit – HKF Photography
