The equestrian industry can be an amazing place, but it can also be a very tough and lonely place.
There are a variety of different challenges throughout all levels from grassroots to professionals, coupled with a huge emotional attachment, financial investment and time commitment; which often evokes an emotive response to many situations.
I’m also going to say something very controversial as well now – the grassroots equestrian industry is dominated by women and, I hate to say it, but women love to chat, and sometimes it’s not always positive.
I grew up visiting a small riding school/livery yard, where bullying was common place. In hindsight I believe that almost everyone there was bullied and most people became a bully at varying points.
Chatting behind people’s backs, being two faced, snide comments, isolating and not including people, outwardly making fun and belittling them. Those awkward moments when you know you’ve walked into a conversation that was about you… and it feels awful.
The problem? Lots of teenage girls around the same age, all thinking they knew best – with very limited adult guidance of intervention.
It was an era where you didn’t complain, you didn’t show emotion, you weren’t allowed to be scared – it was the stuff that ‘made you stronger’ – but also the stuff that I believe on reflection 25 years later, has had a detrimental lasting effect on some of those involved.
Of course, we shared lots of laughs and fun on our ponies, and they were amazing times as we hacked for hours with 10 pence in our pockets for the phone box. We jumped things that now as a coach would make me shudder, and we grew the foundations for our futures.
I’d never really stopped to think about the dynamics of the yard at the time – I think it was naivety and our love of riding and responsibility for our horses that kept us turning up day after day, even when it was tough.
We witnessed the same challenges at school, and within our own social circles – this situation isn’t unique to horses – it’s people in general.
And of course we were fortunate as we didn’t have the added pressure of social media, which has changed our landscape a lot, adding a huge amount of pressure to these situations.
Hidden bullying
As I moved through life, I went into a professional yard to work which was a refreshing change. No one was trying to outdo each other, no one had time to bitch, everyone was striving for the same thing as a team, and it was the first place I really took a huge breath and re-fell in love with horses.
But if I’m honest, I think I got lucky. The more time I spent on the circuit I realised that this wasn’t the norm and that there was a huge amount of hidden ‘bullying’ – largely from employers to grooms, or sometimes between other grooms on the yard.
But it begs the question – What is wrong with people?
Why do people need to make other people feel rubbish?
Moving forwards a number of years I moved from Englandshire to Scotland and the one thing that gave me the absolute fear was moving my horses to a new yard.
I feel so passionately that the industry should be a nice place and that my own horses were my downtime and headspace. I didn’t have the want, or the energy to deal with those feelings of being left out, being talked about, feeling on the outside or listening to endless negativity.
Thankfully, I landed on my feet and I kept my horse with Liz S, and then latterly at a tiny private yard with another equestrian professional – no chance of bitching happening there – which was perfect.
When I did move to a yard years later, it was a big professional yard where there was a zero tolerance policy. I needed help with a young horse after a fall and once again the feeling in the pit of my stomach was there. The reservations were real, but I needn’t have worried…
The yard was, and still is, full of focussed amateurs, most of whom work fulltime to fund their hobby so don’t have time to spend three hours mucking out one stable whilst chatting to their stable mates about how awful the hated person of the week is.
Everyone is on full livery which negates a HUGE amount of issues surrounding, ‘they used this’ and ‘where is my xxxx’, ‘ they haven’t poo picked their share’ etc Another influencing factor is that everyone is under the watchful eye of a handful of the same coaches, who look after their horses on a daily basis.
It was so refreshing and the environment means that everyone is so supportive, striving for their own goals and sharing genuine pleasure in celebrating the wins of others. Negativity is simply not allowed.
Make a positive difference
When Equiteam Confidence Camps was founded in 2014, it was born through love and the desire to make a positive difference to equestrians. Lou and I passionately believe that your support team is fundamental to your success and most importantly your enjoyment, both in and out of the saddle.
If you surround yourself by positive people with a can-do, honest attitude it creates an environment where people can strive.
Every camp we hear stories of people based on livery yards, or training with coaches who leave a negative taste. This has such a negative impact on both the riding and the feelings surrounding your hobby. It saps your energy and enjoyment.
But how do you deal with this?
- It’s important to tell someone you trust how you are feeling as talking really does help.
- It might be that the people/person being negative has no idea how their words sound and affect you, so try having a constructive conversation with them explaining how you feel.
- If you think that it is deliberate then distance/remove yourself from the situation. It might not feel like it at the time – but you do have a choice.
- Remember that there is always a solution. It might be a conversation, a yard move, a Riding Club change – whatever is needed and I do understand that sometimes change is a challenge – but what if it makes life even better?
- Finally, and most importantly, surround yourself by positive people who encourage, support you and believe in you. These do not need to be people that you see every day, that are on your yard, in your family home – but people you feel able to share how your feeling and who make you feel like you can.
One of the many reasons for founding EquiTeam was the desire to create a positive online space with our amazing network of Equiteamers which we could then share to even more equestrians, so that they too can access this positive support and make new friends who understand the power of positivity.
I’m proud to say that this support is now available and you can access it by becoming an EquiTeam Connected member HERE.
Liz x
