It’s better to try and fail than not to try at all.
As a glass half full person I love and believe in this statement – 90% of the time.
I love the motivational element of it and I do believe that it is better to give things a go, than not to bother – but I also believe that if you keep failing it is natural to get disheartened, demotivated and sometimes even feel embarrassed, or like you are a failure.
But the reality is – in a competitive environment, someone is always last (or joint last) – someone has to take home the wooden spoon.
Personally, I think it depends on a number of things;
1. Your personality
If you’re a naturally competitive person then coming last is a tough pill to swallow – but does that make you play safe to avoid a fail?
2. Your objective
If you set out to win and come last, with that comes a massive amount of self-pressure, expectation and then disappointment.
3. Your journey
No matter how resilient you are everyone has a limit #bekindtoyourself.
But does it really matter? No. Of course, in the grand scale of life, it doesn’t.
It might matter at that moment in time, and those feelings are valid, but what you do with those feelings is completely up to you.
Personally I use those feelings as a driver to work harder, train smarter and drill down and identify the parts that need the most work.
I am also lucky enough that I am usually able to see the bigger picture – my horse isn’t a machine (nor do I expect her to be), I am only human, and between us we make countless mistakes which make the difference between winning and not.
Take today for example – she went out cantering sideways past the pigs… which have been there for the past 18 months! If it had been a competition day today she would have cantered past a flowerpot that today she didn’t like… but that is life.
In my countless years competing I have discovered a lot about myself, and I think the thing most relevant to this topic is that I don’t actually mind being last, if I have done my best, my horse has tried her hardest and we gave it a good shot.
In fact, when we move up a level, I actually expect to be last as I know I can’t do some of the more advanced movements very well – but I’d rather give it a go and have the feeling of progression (and be last), instead of being stuck and comfortable in the placings.
This is complete polar opposite to my brother who is a gifted sportsman and hates (with a passion) not to win. He has no empathy or compassion for being last – because he never is!
His favourite sayings are things like, ‘If you snooze, you lose’, and ‘It’s tough at the top’ – of course there is an element of good humoured ‘banter’ in there as well – but coming last is not on his agenda.
However, what I do mind is the feeling of it being unfair, for example some questionable judging when the best combination on the day haven’t won, and that I find harder to swallow.
I had this fairly recently and after a short run of bad scores I was feeling a little bit like why do I bother?’ and is this even fun?’
I wasn’t last in my class but we were doing our absolute best on a few occasions and it just wasn’t good enough – and yes – I got a bit demotivated.
It’s important not to underestimate your resilience and if you start to get consistent feelings of demotivation then maybe it’s time to change your plan to reach your goals – which is exactly what I did. We went and cantered along the beach and through lots the fields and did lots of jumping for a while instead. It was the break we both needed and it doesn’t mean that our end goal changed just that the plan needed a tweak!
The conclusion to does winning matter? It’s very personal to you and if it does then it is nothing to be ashamed of – as long as you are realistic and not setting yourself up to fail.
Finally, let me leave you with this food for thought…..
Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it
Liz x
