“ Absolutely not”… Those were my exact words the day I was asked if I would like to buy Teddy.
That was over 12 years ago and now Ted is a firm member of our family, loved by us all.
We’ve had so much fun over the years, lots of ups and downs and plenty more to follow, I’m sure. For a woman of a certain age with long term anxieties (there, I’ve said it), we’ve somehow managed to absolutely wing it!!
Buying Ted has proved to have been one of the best choices I’ve ever made. With no real knowledge or experience, but a very real passion for horses I had managed to bag a young rising three year old for my oldest daughter Caitlin and myself. A young, confident daughter entering her teens, an anxious parent fresh out of a rotten marriage and a very green horse, what could possibly go wrong??!
Initially, it was Caitlin who spent the most time with Ted, having lots of fun, joining in informal shows, jumping, and having what some might call quite “hairy” hacks with friends. As she grew up, the time spent with him naturally reduced, and it became my turn to step in. I knew for sure that I wasn’t going to pass him on to anyone else.
However, in honestly I was unsure what I really wanted so I did what I thought best. I arranged some lessons, and I hacked out when I felt brave enough to do it. Like many people my nerves sometimes held me back, and Ted carried the brunt of it daily. We carried on this way for years although I can’t explain why my confidence fluctuated so much.
Some days I felt invincible
Some days, I felt invincible and capable, and on other days I felt the complete opposite. There were some awesome moments when I felt confidence enough to pop the odd jump, and one of my best memories was a few years ago. We had been continuously hacking, and because I felt more confidence, we were able to canter through open fields which both of us enjoyed.
However, it didn’t last as we needed to move yards and then had a year or so of not being able to ride. You guessed it – BANG – I became terrified all over again when we tried to restart. The idea of riding scared the poop out of me again. The difference this time was that I realised there was no benefit in beating myself up about it and I found ways to make sense of how I felt.
These days, I look at these ups and downs as one big game of snakes and ladders, one which many of us play in life if we’re honest. You fall and you slide down that big snake. But eventually, and sometimes sooner than you think, you find yourself at the bottom of a ladder, and things get better. And so it continues, with snakes and ladders of different sizes – some small and easy to manage, and some way bigger than I expected.
However the biggest snakes can be unexpected, and the largest slide down for us came just a few years ago. At the time, Ted was going through a horrible period of separation anxiety. Due to some challenges during our yard move, my companion pony had to go off on box rest. At the time it was a complicated system, which meant that Ted had to stay behind for a few weeks.
During this time, the livery owner where Ted was based sold her horse, which left Ted alone in a field for the first time ever. He reacted really badly to this, and we had to find a solution. Thankfully, we managed to find a space at a familiar yard and I thought things would get better.
By this time, I’d spent almost a year trying to help Ted. He had become unrecognisable compared to the horse that I knew and loved, and I found that frightening. His period on his own had really affected him and his behaviour was so different. He became glued to my pony Amber, and he spooked at everything he encountered. This coupled with my nervousness was an absolute recipe for disaster.
We had managed to coast through the previous years, just getting by. However, this time it was a challenge that I wasn’t skilled or confident enough to find a way through, and I was completely devastated with how we found ourselves. People can be well meaning, and someone made a “friendly” piece of advice – consider selling him. This was a bit of a wakeup call for me as there was no change in hell that I wanted to sell my boy. I decided that I knew what was wrong, we just needed to find a way to work through it!! It was at this time that I met Joanne.
Sometimes people come into our lives at the right time. Joanne (Jo) came into ours over a year ago and just right when I needed her. By chance I’d spotted a comment she’d posted when someone else was looking for an instructor. When she came out and began working with us, it really was like putting my foot on the bottom rung of a new ladder. She didn’t rush things, and actually it took a few weeks before we even did any ridden work together. In honesty, I knew I wasn’t quite ready to ride anyway at that point. Over time, this has changed and I genuinely think that my lessons with Jo have been a game changer.
One of the things that Jo said from the very beginning was that she would like to see us create the “best version of ourselves”.
I’m not sure what she thought that was going to look like, as to begin with all I wanted was to go back to being “me and Ted”. I wasn’t looking to achieve anything competitive. My dream was to stop being so nervous because I just wanted to ride Ted out again. I think I even mentioned that arenas weren’t really my thing.
I had a choice, don’t bother with more lessons now that I’m back on board and carry on with building us back to hacking, or take this opportunity to finally get the help with being the partner Ted needed. I’m glad I chose the latter and I can see now that we were starting to become a better version of ourselves from the moment that our lessons together started.
Pardon the pun, but what a ride it’s been.
A new journey
This new journey with regular lessons again has completely re moulded us both. Ted and I have a strange relationship, it’s hard to explain. I’ve often joked that if I were to ever go horse shopping and was presented with Ted, I’d run a mile. He’s a strapping big 15.2 with such a lovely nature but boy can he be cheeky. In fact, because of Ted I am now an expert at grass skiing!
Like some other EquiTeamers, I like to reflect a lot on our lessons. I don’t just focus on our ridden work – I thrive on the practical side out of the saddle too. I’m very open to ideas on exercises at home, I take our work pretty seriously even though daft humour is my major default. I’m learning so much and the really amazing thing about this last year is that Jo has helped get me “my Ted” back.
Not only that, I’m constantly noticing subtle changes in the way I react to things. Some things that used to be a big deal really weren’t as huge as I felt they were. When I look back at it, the best part is that the more I was able to control my reactions to things, whether it be horses running about in their fields or whatever, the more settled Ted was becoming – less reactive, happier and secure.
One of the things that my friends often comment on is that our partnership is developing and growing. I can honestly say this has quite possibly been what I’ve aimed for since day one. It hasn’t been easy – in fact it has been a long hard slog but I don’t regret any of it. The difficult times have shaped us and I’ve come to learn who my people are.
I wouldn’t have got to where I am without them. I am especially grateful to Jane Brindley from Horse Riding with Confidence Scotland and want to thank for her support with my confidence issues. The combination of my growing confidence and my awesome lessons now with Jo have changed our lives so much.
So, to raise the first two words of this blog again, if I were asked to sell Ted, my answer… “Absolutely Not.”
Rosalyn x
